hmmm

one of the faculty just walked in as I was winding down for the day and stopped and said with utmost conviction "you're beautifull". what do you do whith that? I've always struggled with peoples well meant comments of that nature. I'm an all or nothing type of girl and most days I feel like an elephant in heels. I'm also highly amused by that image. Part of it is having no butt (thanks, dad) and just a little to much going on in front. it's an akward combination. I'm quite content in being (and let's see who can catch this quote) "Tolerable, I'll admit, but not enough to tempt me"
Some days I rage against the silly rules that made some people with a metabolism that keeps them looking adolescantly thin late into their thirties. Some days, I suck in my stomach all day and hope noone notices. Someone always does though.
Those are the days I feel like a overdose of jello in a small cup ("I've got a piece of loose Jello, ok?")
But then when people stop me and comment on my "beauty" I am seriously taken aback. I wait for the favour they need, or the bit they're going to sell me. Not the best of reactions. I don't believe in the feel good crap that everyone is beautifull. I think every one is intreguing, but ultimatly, some people just have the crap end of the deal. I'm not saying that's me. I'm just tired of the whole "everyone is valid in exactly the same way" line. It's not true. Some people are ugly, and you love them anyways, cause it's not features that matter.
Some day's I hope desperatly that my other talents make up for my lack of beauty.
Some days I just put on the biggest, brightest earrings I own and hope it blinds people.
I'm not having a bad day, I just am tired of keeping up the facade of a well rounded, put together girl. The tired old lines that say " I know I'm special, and that I have my own unique type of beauty" I don't. And I'm fine with that.
I'll be smart instead, or creative. Things I can choose to invest in. Things I can take pride in being, since I worked at them.
ok, rant over.