grad school bliss

the joy in doing things that you have looked forward to for a long time is that your life is moving forward. So often life tends to be winding paths and suprise discoveries, reevaluations. But occasionaly, the winding road takes you on a turn that lands you out on a plateau from which you can see the whole road behind you for a moment. I had a moment like that today when I mailed out the applications. I could see me reading under the covers at night, trying to finish a book before the morning, learning how to sleep with my eyes open in class so no one would know how late I'd been up, and that memory fit into a pattern I had not seen untill now. I do love to analyse and look and dissect. and to get feedback from people as I'm going through this afirming me in that choice... priceless.
I have two more applications to go. once they are done it will be in G-d's hands. It's in his hands now, but we share the burden of responsability at this point.
And if I don't get in this fall, there is always the spring. and the fall after that. because I now know that this is what I want. I don't want to spend 8 hours out of my day at a job just to make money so that I can have the occasional vacation in mexico. I want to spend my days doing what is intentionaly withing my giftings.
and so.. goodnight. I promise I will turn out the lights on time tonight. It's only 2:30 after all. sleep is for the dead.