In the library again. where I live.
I owe everyone a post on the new things in my life, but a very very basic overview is the
1) I'm down to part time at my job. meaning I have more time for school. This was a tough choice made allot easier by the realization that I have too much on my plate for one person to handle. I lined everything up and thought, what is most expendable? At that point, I though, nothing is, I need to fit everything in. my job, my friends, my school. so I tried to pray about it, and realized I couldn't pray. which stopped me pretty dead in my tracks, I mean, that's a clear sign of something, but what? so I prayed about not being able to pray. That prayer went through. the answer back (and I still don't know what else to call it than an answer. I'm using awfully simple language to describe something intensely inexplicable) was something I didn't want to hear, but knew to be true. What use is there in praying if I'm not willing to risk? I looked at my list again, but this time, keeping in mind the idea that if I were to trust god, to trust life, what would that change? the answer surprised me. Without a question, my job. It's expendable. I'd received enough in student loans to keep me safe for a few months, and I only need a year to get my masters.
taking three classes a term will have me done by fall 2012. While I hate being on student loans, truly get sick to my stomach thinking about it, the real reason is that it means that it's beyond my control. I'm not in control, and I owe someone money. two very horrible things to me.
2) I've been offered an opportunity to publish a chapter in a book this may. the topic is J.D Salinger, Down At The Dingy.
its my own chapter. This in and off itself is huge for my carreer.
3) I'm going to the dominican republic for a five night all inclusive vacation. a deal popped up that was so irristable I couldn't refuse. for almost as much as the airfare alone, M and I got an all inclusive deal. And don't worry, we both did extensive research. the place is legite. it's a dead season of the year, they had rooms to fill, and cheaper is better than non at all.
It might be a little indulgent of me, but the one message I keep hearing from people is 'have fun', relax, unwind.. and yes, I've been so uptight and downright scared of things NOT being OK, of being a failure, of losing everything, of losing control, that I've forgotten how to have fun. so I'm going to have a wonderful, carribean adventure for 5 days with a good friend. I'm slowly starting to enjoy the idea.
Well, all said, much change. I'm tracing the outline of the life I want to live, and seeing if I can fit the mold.
next steps, masters thesis, applying for adjunct positions, presenting in kentucky. life suddenly got very full,
but waking up has gotten easier, as I think of the day and say to myself, I have four NEW hours in every day to study in... four WHOLE hours.
I owe everyone a post on the new things in my life, but a very very basic overview is the
1) I'm down to part time at my job. meaning I have more time for school. This was a tough choice made allot easier by the realization that I have too much on my plate for one person to handle. I lined everything up and thought, what is most expendable? At that point, I though, nothing is, I need to fit everything in. my job, my friends, my school. so I tried to pray about it, and realized I couldn't pray. which stopped me pretty dead in my tracks, I mean, that's a clear sign of something, but what? so I prayed about not being able to pray. That prayer went through. the answer back (and I still don't know what else to call it than an answer. I'm using awfully simple language to describe something intensely inexplicable) was something I didn't want to hear, but knew to be true. What use is there in praying if I'm not willing to risk? I looked at my list again, but this time, keeping in mind the idea that if I were to trust god, to trust life, what would that change? the answer surprised me. Without a question, my job. It's expendable. I'd received enough in student loans to keep me safe for a few months, and I only need a year to get my masters.
taking three classes a term will have me done by fall 2012. While I hate being on student loans, truly get sick to my stomach thinking about it, the real reason is that it means that it's beyond my control. I'm not in control, and I owe someone money. two very horrible things to me.
2) I've been offered an opportunity to publish a chapter in a book this may. the topic is J.D Salinger, Down At The Dingy.
its my own chapter. This in and off itself is huge for my carreer.
3) I'm going to the dominican republic for a five night all inclusive vacation. a deal popped up that was so irristable I couldn't refuse. for almost as much as the airfare alone, M and I got an all inclusive deal. And don't worry, we both did extensive research. the place is legite. it's a dead season of the year, they had rooms to fill, and cheaper is better than non at all.
It might be a little indulgent of me, but the one message I keep hearing from people is 'have fun', relax, unwind.. and yes, I've been so uptight and downright scared of things NOT being OK, of being a failure, of losing everything, of losing control, that I've forgotten how to have fun. so I'm going to have a wonderful, carribean adventure for 5 days with a good friend. I'm slowly starting to enjoy the idea.
Well, all said, much change. I'm tracing the outline of the life I want to live, and seeing if I can fit the mold.
next steps, masters thesis, applying for adjunct positions, presenting in kentucky. life suddenly got very full,
but waking up has gotten easier, as I think of the day and say to myself, I have four NEW hours in every day to study in... four WHOLE hours.
posted by Gwen at
5:13 PM
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