Saturday, May 31, 2008

Hello everyone.. I still wonder sometimes why I can't seem to stick to communicating with people via email like the supposed regular man.
prolly cause I'm not a man. well, the updates to my life are many. I have graduated school, summa cum laude, in English ( and I still can't spell, go figure.. ) and I have finished my first real week of work today. A suprise was how exhausted I feel working 9-5, since I have for the last few years been going to school fulltime and working parttime and been involved in many different side projects.
Since I am now the administrative assistant for the school of music, ( Thank the Lord, it's a small college) I have to lift the weighty mantel of responsability onto my shoulders every morning as well as simply getting out of bed and into class.

Cool things that have occured this week
. My 1000 dollar medical bill has been reduced by 700 dollars. I'm not sure why, but after wrangling with insurance for a little bit, all kinds of charges were dropped and I can actually afford to pay the bills.
. a friend of my roommates is leaving his car with us while he is in Irak, and we are to "exercice" it often. In other words, we have a car and we don't have to pay insurance
. the government decided it wanted me to spend 300 dollars. so it sent me a check... hmmm three hundred dollars. where have I heard that number before? could it be the amount I need to cover medical bills? i think it is! as the Guiness commercials have it "Brilliant"
. Since I am working at the school of music, I get to check myself out a nice guitar so I can start playing me worship songs again. I've missed banging away to myself, and now that I have a yard to do it in, with limited neighbour interference, I think I will help myself to that little perk, thank you!
. I've signed all the forms for my beautifull health insurance. Dad, if I die, you get a years worth of salary, in case you're ever short of cash... and I finally do not have to worry about being sick, since I have both insurance and mode of transportation to the doctors.

bad things this week
. I had another episode. Passed out on memorial day, while feeding a collegues cats. She was gone and I ended up on the bathroom floor too weak to get help. After an hour I was able to call a friend who graciously left work to come baby me. This time I really got scared, since as I'm living mostly on my own (my roommates are in and out all summer) I need to have a plan of action. I wised up and got three of my friends to be emergency contacts, told my co-workers about it, and set about figuring out how I can cheaply stock my refrigarator with easy meals.
I've learned that I need to take extra good care of what I eat, and when. seems 4 years of college have worn down my immunity a little.

Laura and I have been cooking up a storm today. We made white chilli and chicken casarole. Huge amounts of it. there was a moment when I was de-boning the chicken and the carcasses were pilling up, that i felt like i was in a cheap b-rated horror movie. The chickens didn't quite start talking to me, but only because the rational part of my mind wisely flagged me a warning that I would not be able to finish cooking if I began to anthropomorphasiz my food.
And here's the brag sheet: with 20 dollars spent, I have made myself 20 helpings. A dollar meal people, can it get any better than that? and it tastes good. So the projection is that if we do this every month, we should be golden. I'll have easy homemade meals.

spiritually, which is of course the most important update
this year, I've really been through the wringer, and the line that plays through my head ( well two of them) is this "when God wants to make a man, he'll take a man an d break a man and form him to his will" yuppers. change man to woman and that is about it. the other one is Mewithoutyou's lyric "I hear him whisper it'll be alright, it'll be alright. But it's NOT ALRIGHT, NO, I'm NOT ALRIGHT" and yet I can't ask for any other way. The road is tough and it hurts to have Him point and mend and batter and break, but the changes are all ones I am desperate to have made. I've moved from a point where I knew it all and it was boring and dry, life was known and uninteresting to a place where even water tastes like wine, and everything is new. I don't know anything, really, I've only begun to enter into this incredible reality, and as Aslan says, deeper in and further up. It keeps getting more complicated and better.
My roommate told me this last year watching me snivvling my confused way through life was like watching a wild creature being born, which is the best description really. There is a person God had in mind, who is beginning to emerge from the wreckage of who I used to be. It's like I'm coming through in colour.
Anyways, I hope to G-d that I will be better in posting that I have been up untill now.