Saturday, October 23, 2010

Someone alerted me to the fact that I havn't posted in a while. This is true and I apologize. Life has a way of getting in the way.
I've been pretty hard pressed to get through all my duties for a while now. as I'm writting this I'm fighting something the doctor thinks is either strepp through or mono. let's hope it's the later. As of now, my rent is paid, my car is fixed, my job still wants me, my friends still hang out with me and I'm still in grad school. I have allot to be thankfull for. I believe I turned a corner a few weeks ago in my fight against depression. I made the decision that I would want to make a life for myself. Up untill that point I believe I was simply existing from moment to moment without a clear thought of the future. I don't have a definite moment as to when it changed, it still fluctuates daily. The last few days have been hard, because feeling sick feels very much like the overwhelmed feeling I used to get. By the grace of god, and by the help of some very special people I get out of bed every morning and even look forward to work. the things I've identified as keeping me from health are mainly, my sense of perfectionism, which keeps me from starting things I know I can't finish, and a lack of prioritization, which makes me feel as if I need to do everything now.
I'm pretty behind in my studies, in English. I'm wondering if I really want a masters in English, and what good it would do me. I feel as if I'm not being challeneged to rigourous study, and sometimes the texts don't stand up to rigourous study. I'm not sure what else I would study, and I know that when I teach english, I will do it from a different perspective. I just wonder wether putting up with the masters is worth it, or wether I should switch.
I will post more later. as of now I need to return to work on my paper on whitman.