writing

I was at a bridal shower today and thoroughly enjoyed it, the bride is a beautifull person, her sisters are a delight and her friends were intreguing and commited to both Christ and their carreers. I had a little bit of a quesy moment of ennui with my life, but I've noticed lately that that feeling stems from inactivity on my part than any manner of striving towards goals. I'm a little wary of goals at this point. I rather like reassesing my life and getting into a normal pattern with school over and life before me. It's a different pattern, but one I would like to master. It's hard to be ON all the time. To be so very much in control of my destiny. It's a scary truth. I also realize that I would rather underacheive so that I don't narrow the pool of people I can relate to, than excell in something and make people feel (perhaps rightly) insignifcant. That's a half truth, I also know that the more I acheive, the more will be demanded of me.

On a more practical side, today I pulled appart a speaker set and rewired it so that both speakers work. It was a proud moment when I turned up the music and it came out all beautiful and bold. I like doing practical things.
I also devised a good curtain system for the living room so people in the house opposite no longer can look through our kitchen window into the living room. The people who lived here before us had someone catch them streaking through the living room. that hasn't happened yet, but I want to be proactive in matters of modesty.
Also, the apppartment is going through an upheaval. we've quite the change around. S is moving to cali in less than a month, and the three remaining people will be splitting rent. M worked it out that none of our rent will go up, which is amazing. K and I will move into the bigger room, meaning more space for all of our stuff, which is in typical girl fashion, cloths and shoes.
I would wish it were more art and writting things. but they are there too. I just need to pull them out and use them
I am tentativly looking into grad schools still.

chronicling

well, today I woke up, took tylanol, went to the city and managed. Got a little disoriented at 12 and told myself to get some food. Coffee and a bagel biscuit. And wonders of wonders, it really helped.
Managed to do quite a few things. Still need to do more things. Right now I'm listening to Neil Gaiman's the graveyard. I'm quite put out that I missed his reading it in New York. I appreciate him posting the readings. It's strange how the internet can bring to people the old traditions, readings of poetry, old books that are out of print.
My roomate helped my coffeepot on it's limping way to the grave, so I need to go shopping once more for a slightly smaller pot. I'm linking things a little better now. coffee in the morning, good. coffee any other time, bad. Food three times a day, good.
I'm still struggling with the concept that food is a need. but maybe this is a wy to force the body to rest from what he's doing.
just some thoughts.