'Oh God, You know how hard it is for us, and you will be fair with us. We have seen no visions: we have never heard the audible voice of your son, we have to fight on in much darkness of spirit and mind, both from the ignorance we cannot help and from the fault we could have helped. We inherit blindness from the errors of our fathers; and when fear or the dread of shame or the pains of death come upon us, we are ready to despair and cry out that there is no God, or that if there be he has forgotten his children. There are times when the darkness closes about us like a wall and we can see you nowhere, either in our hearts or in the outer universe, we cry aloud and we listen for any sound of your voice, but we hear nothing. You who know that for which we groan, you whom Jesus called father, we appeal to you, not as we imagine you ut as you see yourself, as Jesus knows you. To your very self we cry-help us! Be our father! We beg for no signs and wonders, but only for your breath upon our souls, your spirit in our heart. We pray for no tongues of fire, for no rousing of brain or imagination or emotion but we do, with all our power of prayer, pray for your spirit. We do not even pray to know that he is given us. Let us, if it so pleases you, remain in doubt of the gift for years to come: but still lead us by your spirit. Aware of only our ordinary movements of mind and soul, may we yet be possessed by the spirit of God, led by your will in ours. For all things in man, even those that seem the most common and the least spiritual, are the creation of your heart, and by the door of our wavering judgement, dull imagination, luke warm love, and palsied will, you can enter and glorify all. Give us patience because out hope is in you, not in ourselves. Work in us and our prayers are answered" Curate Thomas wingfield, 'the lady's awakening' George Macdonald

My friend J. and I were discussing prayer and prophecy and I thought of this quote. I believe there are times G-d speaks audibly, to specific people, but I'm not one of them. I don't know if that will change, I'm open to it, but my rational, European mind understands the above better than moments of rapture. Hope you enjoy! Let me know if you agree or disagree.

Nothing to post about.... JUST KIDDING!

Quite literally, I was catching up on my blog readings yesterday and thought to myself, I should post, but I have nothing to write about. Well, today, I do!
I received my grades for my first real term in grad school! let me preface this by saying that the final for one class was written in a sundayschool room while my family was in church in florida (only place I had WIFI) and the second on the verge of exhaustion. both classes had late papers from me, and not my best work.
After all that. I received an A in 17th century metaphysical poetry and a B+ in american realism. considering I had to learn allot about american history, not shabby. I'm so happy! I really thought I was going to get C's in some of these classes. Makes me wonder if I'm in the right program, everyone kept telling me that my grades would lower as I continued in education. Teehee, they havn't!
So here's to next term, ancient greek tragedies and 14th century lit. what a change that will be. Besides my grades, I got a haircut the other day. The hairdresser asked if I wanted him to blowdry it into it's natural shape, and I said ok. And then he gave me curls! I did not know I had so many curls. I thought my hair was just fuzzy. Apparently fuzzy is just the unkept version of curly. So now I must arm myself with a diffuser, and hairgel, and curler... " I can do this" she says in a soft whisper, looking slightly overwhelmed.
I went salsa dancing last saturday! it was so much fun! I need to learn some more steps so that I can actually dance instead of frantically counting my steps, but for what it was, it was fun!
I've also decided that since coffee and alcohol are not technically permitted to me, I will become a tea snob, and study up on loose leaf tea. wish I could have you all drop by for a cuppa.

There is christmas in the air!

Merry christmas season to one and all!
I'm happy to announce, the stuck/berrios household has it's tree up and lit! I think it's proof positive that nellie and I are good roommates (I almost typed Inmates by mistake :-) that our christmas decorations match perfectly. Our tree looks very profesional.
I love this season!
Carol and Candlelight, the anual tour of handbells, women's choir and brass ensemble has been completed! It's my third year doing it, and let me say, they don't get easier. This year, because of Anne's death, we had 5 key performers pull out to attend her funeral which was held during the tour in Buffalo. Knowing this, I had a few interesting moments of panick heading into the tour. But here is the interesting thing; because we lost the Alto section almost completely, I got the chance to sing alto on tour. These songs are some of my favorite christmas songs ever, and I hum along in the audience anyways. But what fun it was to sing on stage. What a challenge too! I had to fight myself to stay loud. I've never sung harmony before, and doing it stone cold and sightreading... who needs a mountain to jump off of? I had my adrenaline right there!
So in short, we had no alto section, the driver of one of the vehicles got pulled over minutes into the trip, the driver of another hit another car, one of the churches turned out to be so small that it held only ten more audience than tour members, one of our students (one of the alto's) got sick two performances into the tour and I spent the night in a bathroom because the host family had assumed the directors where married (although this is nowhere indicated and no one's last name is the same). Little things kept happening during tour as well, adding to our sense of unreality. When we arrived back on campus for our last performance, Jenn Scot, the handbell director, and I lay on the floor and laughed for five minutes straight.
My right leg is still a little sore from driving over 13 hours that weekend. I list the negative first, so that the positive can be emphasised. I learned some very interesting lessons during that tour. I sang in public, as a part of a well trained ensemble and held my own. This definitly boosts my selfesteem to pursue singing lessons.

so much for the tour. work continues and school continues. I've been given a grace period to finish my papers, so I have untill monday. I hope to finish one today, and another tomorrow. It's been a struggle giving up my perfectionism, because I know that my grades will not be stellar this term. It's not the work, but the timing that has been difficult.

In any case. once monday comes, I start my holiday celibrations! It hasn't snowed here yet, but it's getting mighty cold.
I have christmas party this week and one next week, a muppet movie showing and a performance of Handel's messiah! I've booked every evening next week for friends and on friday my friend K is coming!
Love you all!