Tuesday, January 19, 2010

strong women

The notion of strong women keeps popping up around me. I have been called a strong woman, I am surrounded by strong women. I do not feel like a woman with allot of strength in me. In fact I'm learning to live within my weaknesses, to truly live within that, not just mouth it. But I do recognize a strength within me. It's a tiny tiny seed, but it's there.

Friday, January 15, 2010

grad school bliss

the joy in doing things that you have looked forward to for a long time is that your life is moving forward. So often life tends to be winding paths and suprise discoveries, reevaluations. But occasionaly, the winding road takes you on a turn that lands you out on a plateau from which you can see the whole road behind you for a moment. I had a moment like that today when I mailed out the applications. I could see me reading under the covers at night, trying to finish a book before the morning, learning how to sleep with my eyes open in class so no one would know how late I'd been up, and that memory fit into a pattern I had not seen untill now. I do love to analyse and look and dissect. and to get feedback from people as I'm going through this afirming me in that choice... priceless.
I have two more applications to go. once they are done it will be in G-d's hands. It's in his hands now, but we share the burden of responsability at this point.
And if I don't get in this fall, there is always the spring. and the fall after that. because I now know that this is what I want. I don't want to spend 8 hours out of my day at a job just to make money so that I can have the occasional vacation in mexico. I want to spend my days doing what is intentionaly withing my giftings.
and so.. goodnight. I promise I will turn out the lights on time tonight. It's only 2:30 after all. sleep is for the dead.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The final countdown

this is it people. the hatches are battned down, the mast is lashed to the deck, al portholes are sealed, and we are heading into the storm.
At this time friday, which is 48 hours from now, you may call me, to find out wether I have survived the storm or wether I have sunk beneath the waves.

ahem. What I mean to say in everyday, grown up english is that the deadlines are closing in, friday being d-day. I found two amazing mac programs to help me with my french entries, but they still need work, and my dutch entry is giving me trouble because I don't trust myself enought to write well constructed sentences in it after the French and English papers.

BUT the good news is I looked at my GRE scores again and this is what they tell me (No, it's not like reading tealeaves. not at all.)

Scores 6 and 5.5:
(for the sake of modesty I will confess that I received the 5.5, not a perfect 6)
sustains insightfull, in-depth analysis of complex ideas: develops and supports main points with logically compelling reasons and/or highly persuasive examples: is well focused and well organized; skillfully uses sentence variety and precice vocabulary to convey meaning effectivly; demonstrates superior facility with sentence structure and language usage but may have minor errors that do not interfere with meaning.

well, that makes me think I can crack this grad apps thing.

but in case, G-d has been VERY (read uncomfortably) active in my life, and allot of things are reaching a culmination point. so my big prayer request is that I can keep my willingness to participate in life and that I can sleep. I realize that my head is so full of things that I don't fall asleep untill two hours after I go to bed, and then I wake up often. Please pray that the time between when my head hits the pillow and when my alarm goes off will be completely taken up with sleep.